One good turn....

I can't believe it has been over a month since I last posted here. Time flies I guess.

The idea of one good turn deserves another has different context when you are loving and caring for a dementia patient. Patience does help however! A dear friend gave me the book Passages in Caregiving by Gail Sheehy- if you are caring for a family member, it is definitely recommended reading.

Part of the recurring theme of the book is that just as you have something figured out and think it is working- then something happens to change it all up. As I talk to other friends who are acting as caregivers to their family member, it hits home again and again.

In the most recent scenario, a friend's mother was progressing through the passages of dementia. The previous plan needed some augmenting- more assistance was needed to help. So, the first turn was to add more help. This is not always an option- but once they got a routine established- it provided some immediate relief. But then...

Falls, progression of the dementia, not recognizing people- but safe, at home and with a great caregiver. Then the calls began, more doctor visits, a trip to the ER and finally choices about extraordinary measures. Several turns within not only days- but some within hours.

I look at this in comparision to the turns and twists that have been my path with my father. Different definitely. No two trips through this disease will ever be the same- but the empathy between caregivers and family members is universal.

Am I the only daughter to have to deal with being the one to take away her father's drivers license. Not a chance, but did I have the same experience as someone else- ABSOLUTELY NOT! Of course, I may have been the only one to utter- "If you want to come back again, one of your OTHER daughters will have to bring you!" 

Am I the only child of a parent with dementia that feels the sadness of the empty eyes that don't recognize the person they are looking at? No. Am I the only child that wonders what the next turn will be, and if the right decisions were made at the right times to deal with the turns that had to be made? No.

I leave you with- try not to work in chaos mode if possible. Have a plan- even if it needs adjusted or turned around- a basic plan to work with helps. I had started to use some caregivers as the need for assistance increased. This meant when I needed more help, a process was in place.

For my friend who had to make tough decisions- that I know may happen for me, to know that a living will and health care directives are in place and provide guidance for the family and health care professsionals.

All in all, even with the best laid plans- we just wait for what the next turn brings.